I said I would write this. I’m a firm believer of what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, so I dish it AND take it. Perk up, Playstation geeks.
Red Flag #1: 90% of her Instagram feed are selfies
She’ll love herself more than she can love anyone else. Now, I’m one for loving yourself, but diversify a little. Unless she’s a professional beauty blogger or influencer, there’s absolutely no reason for that shit-ton of selfies. Except crazy. Always crazy.
Red Flag 1B: More than 10 photo editing apps on her phone
This means she’s a 100% filtered, 100% photo-edited and 100% narcissistic. She probably has an altered state of reality and is living in her own little world. A great way to check it out would be to casually remark “I need to delete some apps from my phone, how many do you have?” If she has 2 folders of “Photography”, get yourself a new reality.
Red Flag #2: All her friends are “bitches” or “sluts”
Even worse, she doesn’t have female friends. She might try to pawn this off initially by saying she’s a “guy’s girl” but what’s really going on is she isolates or just isn’t a nice person to other women. If she’s not liked by other (any!) women, there’s a damn good reason why.
Red Flag #3: Tells you what she’s sexually into (or not) within 3 text messages
Now, we’re talking “dating” here, not “hooking up”. If she has a long list, paragraphed and well-punctuatuted – believe you me, you’re not the first person to receive that text. (Bonus points if she emphasises that she doesn’t do butt stuff) (It means she does).
Red Flag #4: She’s been engaged 3 times
I get once, maybe twice if she’s significantly older. But if she’s been engaged 3 times, you need to evaluate her definition of “long term commitment” as well as her ever-changing needs.
Red Flag #5: She’s constantly changing types of jobs
Today, she’s an accountant. Tomorrow, she’s a nail therapist, and the day after, she’s in fashion. Watch out for the girl with the always-changing mind – it’s highly likely having a “career” is a ruse and she’ll drop this smokescreen the minute the sperm meets the egg.
Red Flag #6: She asks about your finances on the first date/meeting
This one is pretty obvious. At least wait till the third date, woman.
Red Flag #7: She orders a salad on the first date
The pièce de résistance: she’s a salad orderer on a date! I have no issues with anyone have a sad salad for lunch but going on a date and ordering a salad is one of the saddest things I can think of. What are you going to talk about, the croutons? It means she’s wound so tight she can’t even relax and order a steak like any regular hot-blooded human.
Writer’s note: I’m like 3 of these red flags, so don’t bother trying to call me out.