7 Red Flags When Dating A Dude



As someone who’s been in the dating pool for approximately 20 years now (it was a pool before, now it’s a puddle), I believe I’ve honed the art of spotting red flags in men (heeding my own advice, now that’s a skill I haven’t mastered yet). So here is my own bullshittery.

Red Flag #1: Messy Apartment

Wrangle an opportunity to see his apartment as soon as possible, and hopefully without early warning. This way you get to see it in all it’s glory. If you have to step over things to get to the sofa, which is cluttered with receipts, old magazines (and let’s hope nothing else), RUN (or stumble) out of there.

Red Flag #2: Nothing Lives in There

There is nothing with a life-force in his apartment.  No pets, no plants – the only thing thriving is bacteria. On the other hand, a man who owns 10 dogs (or 1 cat) shouldn’t be entertained either.

Red Flag #3: Nothing in His Fridge

Oh, hell no. Fake like you want a glass of water and check out his fridge. If there is absolutely nothing in his fridge besides a bottle of vodka, make like a tree and leave. It would be better to find a fridge full of rotting take-out than nothing.

Red Flag #4: Persistent Phone Problems

Nothing bugs me more than a man with persistent phone problems. Battery dying, no signal, Blackberry – it’s 2015! Get a proper damn phone! This means he’s not interested enough in maintaining any form of communication or relationship with anyone (not just you). Phone a friend, and go home.

Red Flag #5: He Has a Playstation Or More Than 1 Game on His iPad

Enough said.

Red Flag #6: Child of divorce

Oh, this one will get me in trouble but I believe I have the grounds (and experience) to make this diagnosis. Men of divorced parents tend to have a skewed sense, and cynical viewpoint, of relationships. They may not necessarily view monogamy as a necessity and tend to place value on other things like work and offspring.

Red Flag #7: He’s Over 38 and Has Never Been Married or in a Serious Relationship

There’s something is rotten in the state of Denmark. 38 upwards for a single man is a shifty and often suspicious time. If he has been in at least one long-term relationship in his life (4 years and above), you can exclude him. But if all he’s had are a series of flings, seriously consider his headspace – he will definitely pull the “I don’t ever want to get married” card on you at some point.


Happy dating y’all!


Writer’s note: I may have dated men with some or all of these red flags. If you know of this, keep it to yourself.

2 Replies to “7 Red Flags When Dating A Dude”

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