Friends In Relationships.



It’s impossible to not evolve when a single becomes a couple…  some people don’t change at all, and then there are the friends who go through a magnificent metamorphosis the minute someone enters their life. All of a sudden, you’re like “What have you done with my friend?!”

1. The Gushing Goon

Good Christ, shut up already. We get it, he’s the perfect man. You’re making the Barneys we’re dating look even more pathetic than they are. Now, here’s a medal, go choke on it.

2. The PDA Pain

Ok, we’re here to eat, and we don’t mean each others faces. Nobody knows where to look and frankly, all this display of feelings is making everyone feel uncomfortable especially the couples who can’t stand to look at each other.

3. The “We” Wench

That one friend who “we’s” all over you. So enthralled by the notion of finally being part of a couple, every other sentence out of her pissy mouth has the word “we” in it. “We will be doing this on Saturday”. “We watched that movie already”. “We have a suicide pact”. Nothing makes us happier than hearing “We broke up”.

4. The Know-It-All Knob

This bitch probably hasn’t been in a relationship for a while for whatever reason, and now that she’s in a relationship, she’s got advice for everyone. Conversations with her are like attending a reading of “How I Am An Awesome Girlfriend And How I Control And Make My Man Fall Madly In Love With Me – Trust Me, I’ve Been In This Relationship For 3 Months”.

5. The Share-My-Joy Shit

Great. You’re in a relationship. We are very happy for you. And now, you want us all to drink the Relationship Kool-Aid by setting us up with the most random of your beloved’s friends. “Let’s all get married together!” “Couples dinners!” “Oh, you’re not a couple, tough, no dinner for you!”.

6. The Ditching Dick

Possibly the worst crime on the list. The friend that deserts her friends because she is so completely wrapped up in the rapture of love and infatuation, never to be seen again. Until it’s over. We all get mesmerised, blinded and turned around sometimes, that’s understandable and forgivable… just don’t ditch the people who were there for you before the love of your life waltzed in.


*** I may have been one or two of these types before. If you know which ones, keep it to yourself.

One Reply to “Friends In Relationships.”

  1. Any actually *positive* Single-to-Couple changes you’ve witnessed in you time/awareness of Yours & Others Situations? 😉 ‘Cos I can honestly say I’m (and yes, “We’re”) far happier & healthier person/people after going through the “We’re Friends/I feel that we’ve got “More-Than-Friendship” Potential Possible/…Nervousness Abounds…/”Holy Shit, So Does She/He?!?”/Okay, how is this going to work out in the Real World?/”Umm, Where did the last near-15 Years speed to, how did I get this Ring* on my finger, and why are we FAR happier than the Vast Majority of Friends that are “Officially Married”?**

    *Not “The One True Ring” & Not Even Legally Binding: we’ve too many issues both “Real” & “Theoretical” regarding TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE, and have simply gone the “Symbolism of Our Partnership” route in this case.

    **Yeah, I’ll go there: both of us simply telling each other VERY early on in The Friend Stage the simple facts that “I Really Am Not Big On Kids, And Don’t See Myself EVER Having Any…” & having that information truly stick and not wavering coming in on 15 Years of our “Partnership” (again, knowing the Better-Half is just as strong in their feelings on the subject as The Other is) has saved us from the “Well, now that I’m getting older & want a Miniature Version of Myself that will Live On & Not Screw Up in the Ways I Have” modifications that One’s ’30s are about. Seriously, that’s what PETS are for…

    ::Evil:: ;-D

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