I am sitting on the fence of Expectations and frankly, my ass is getting a little sore. I’ve spoken to a few friends and am still an undecided voter. Are expectations are necessary part of life to establish standards and boundaries, or just the Devil that causes misunderstandings and misalignments? Initially, I thought that age going up pushes expectations down, but I’ve realized it’s more a social divide. So, I’ve split this thorny subject into 2 camps – single people, and everyone else. (*Disclaimer below)
SINGLES DATING EXPECTATIONS
- If a single girl gives you her number, she expects communication within 24 hours. From that point of communication, she expects to be asked out within 3 days. If this does not happen, you are dead to her.
- She expects you to either choose the activity for the date or give suggestions. From your options, she can gauge many things about you: how interested you are, if you’re a cheap scrub, creative, etc… and for the love of God, please make a reservation.
- She expects you to pay. If she doesn’t, she’s most likely having self-esteem issues and looks at splitting the bill as power or validation.
- If the chemistry was right and there’s going to be a second date, she expects to hear from you within 24 hours, else maybe you died on the way home and in that case, sorry for your loss.
- Do not fall asleep until/unless she’s fallen asleep. She does not expect to listen to your whale-like snoring while she’s wondering what the hell to do with herself.
- At the very least, post-coitus, she expects your lazy ass to wake up and put her in a cab. At the very least.
- She expects to hear from you within 12 hours. No-one is asking for a marriage proposal, even a hello will suffice. After where your hands have been, your thumbs can’t work out a “Hey there”?
- “Lower your expectations” –– Non-single friends of single girls are constantly putting them in their place (oh, where would be be without these special people?) by telling them to constantly lower their expectations (in other words, “aim lower and maybe you won’t die alone hugging 10 cat skeletons”). Frankly, I’ve haven’t met an over-30 year old single girl who has ridiculously high expectations (Hope Diamond, holidays homes, watches Dirty Dancing every weekend together) – they are usually quite simple. It doesn’t get any lower than “simple”.
- “Go out with him but don’t have any expectations” –– We are basically given advice to have absolutely no boundaries, standards, hopes or goals. Why on earth would I waste my time going out with someone and not have any expectations? I might as well stay home, watching re-runs of Sex & The City, being thankful I’m not the Samantha (this may, or may not, have happened recently). Expectations are guides that let you know if someone else is on the same path and wavelength as you. If they’re not, call it quits. If they are, aren’t you glad you had standards?
- Wives seem to be expected to be spending all their free time with their husbands. I know of a few married women who enjoy clubbing/partying and generally do so, without their husbands. Nothing illicit is going on – it’s just the dynamic of their relationship. They get flak for this from the majority of other married women. It’s considered strange that they go out at night without their husbands. It’s 2013 – they’re not being hunted by roaming harem builders.
- Adding on to that, they’re not expected to go out at night, drink and dance while the whole time, their tiny, helpless children are sleeping peacefully in their beds. Quelle horreur! What would you have been doing with your children at midnight? Crafting home-made strawberry daiquiris? Put them to bed, put on your heels and motor!
- Wives and mothers, in particular, are not expected to continue having lofty career ambitions. They are not expected to have identities or lives of their own.
- New mothers are expected to breastfeed. (Breast is best, we all know, go knock on someone else’s door)
Moral of this entire post: The only expectations that matter are the ones you set for yourself. Everything else will fall into place… when you least expect it.
*Generic disclaimer: Yes, yes, there are exceptions to all these norms. You are special. You is kind. You is smart. You is important.