I have been dating for a long time time now, longer than I’d care to admit. And yet, there are shockingly few points on this list. I have come to several possibilities:
- I know shit about dating.
- The rules are, there are no rules.
- Every person and every situation is different.
So here are my thoughts on the hard and fast rules of dating. Girls love having rules. And love having them broken even more.
1. Girls making the first move
In my 20s, I barely knew any girls who made the first move. In the recent years, I’ve seen more of my friends boldly approach guys at bars, offer to buy them drinks and strike up conversations. In the meantime, I stand back and stare in awe at the massive balls on them. I’m an old-fashioned girl. I strongly believe that once a girl approaches a guy, the male-female balance gets thrown off. 4 out of the 4 guys I asked about this have said that they do not like girls to approach them. They said they would feel slightly threatened and turned-off. And even if the girl is drop-dead gorgeous, they’d wonder “What’s wrong with this girl that she has to approach a guy?”.
Moral of this point: Ladies, protect the delicate baby male ego and save yourself the walk. Hone your ‘come hither’ skills and if he doesn’t come hither, don’t move thither.
2. The First Date
I don’t know any women that prefer just to have drinks/coffee/bullshit-excuse-for-first-date instead of a dinner. I enjoy having a dinner date. I enjoy dressing up and looking pretty for a first date. I enjoy this ritual. It’s charming. However, I have now been informed that some (most?) men are moving towards the alarming trend of having ‘just drinks’ for a first date. They feel this relieves the pressure of full sit-down dinner and if there’s no chemistry, it’s easier to write it off. If there is chemistry, the drinks could easily develop into dinner. They also feel that a dinner date is useless to genuinely get to know someone, as everyone is just fronting and can potentially be awkward. One male point of view is that it depends on the level of interaction pre-first-date that determines the actual first date. I get their point but it just feels really cheap to me. Not on a money level, but in terms of time and effort. I think if you don’t feel the person is worth making the effort for a sit-down dinner, don’t bother. Also, if you don’t want to have a dinner date, why fall back on the boring “drinks” date? Do something different that allows someone’s personality to come out, if that’s what you’re truly interested in. At the end of the day, the girl is most likely going to put some effort into looking good for you, why not put some effort into the type of date?
Moral of this point: Ladies, start a drinking habit. This trend is not going away, so eat before you leave the house.
3. He’s Just Not That Into You
Oh, please shoot me for using this phrase. And yet, it’s the simplest, most direct way of explaining any seemingly complicated relationship. Women will constantly make up the most ridiculous possibilities for trying to explain the constantly erratic male behavior (the Katy Perry “Hot & Cold” Syndrome – hot, cold, yes, no, in, out, up, down. Dudes need to start taking evening primrose oil):
- Work: He’s really getting into his work/He’s got problems at work, so it affects his personal life
- Past: He’s been hurt before/He just got out of a relationship/He doesn’t want to be in a relationship for a while
- Emotions: He has a hard time expressing his feelings/He’s reacting off my behavior/I’m closed off so he’s closing off as well
Moral of this point: Gentlemen, if you want us ladies to accept the beautiful simplicity of “he’s just not that into you”, you need to live up to this as well. Stop complicating the situation with your girly emotions and behavior. The only reason women started making excuses for you is because you started making excuses for yourselves. It’s a Catch-22, so sort yourselves out so we can. However, a male point of view: Women need to listen to what men are directly telling them and not complicate the situation with their own logic and search for the deeper meaning. I can’t disagree with this either. Women will over-think and over-complicate any situation and once they pull their girlfriends in to analyze and deconstruct every conversation and text message, the whole pot bubbles and overflows. And… scene.
4. Staying Over
So, you’ve made it past three dates and have consummated this wonderful burgeoning relationship. Staying over is always a judgement call. As a woman, I recommend always leaving before the sun comes up unless there are explicit plans for breakfast/brunch etc. The reason is simple. No woman should do the walk of shame at 9 in the morning, in the slutty dress she wore from the night before. It could have been the best night of your life but the walk of shame will emotionally destroy you. Half of the men I polled on this topic feel that if this girl is not an exclusive girlfriend, she needs to leave before the morning. The other half feel that is based on how the relationship is developing and will ask the girl to stay over if they want to. I have heard stories from guys about girls that refuse to leave, or simply don’t take the hint and the guys have to fabricate plans in order to get her out and this is by 4 in the afternoon already.
Moral of this point: Ladies, unless explicitly and directly asked to stay over, pick up your shit, get out of there and always act like a lady.
So that’s all the rules I could think of. A measly 4. Honestly, I think it’s because every situation is indeed different so will have to be adapted to. Rules are indeed made to be broken. The only constancies I can think of are these:
• Ladies: Keep your girlfriends out of it. Just have one girlfriend that you can talk to about affairs and put the others on limited profile. You don’t need everyone’s opinion. All you need is yours and one consultant that you can trust. Pick the most emotionally stable girlfriend and leave the others out of it. Girlfriends will only serve to whip everything in an emotional frenzy and cloud your personal situation with their own varied and questionable experiences. The sad truth is that men are really as simple as they make themselves out to be. If the text message reads “I’m busy tonight” – stop asking the whole panel of The View “what does it mean??”.
• Men: I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. It’s nice to have attention and string women along but you’re only creating a generation of psychos that will come back and haunt you.