The Dating Class (Caste) System.

The Dating Class System to me, could be of 3 levels.

  1. Single
  2. Exclusive Relationship
  3. Married

It’s not too dramatic a classification – and of course, gray areas apply throughout. But for purposes of this post, I’ll stick to 3 simple levels.

As a single person for the last 1.5yrs, I have 2 observations to share.

Observation One: Happily Ever After
People in Class 2 and 3 expect your life to be extremely exciting, in other words, be prepared to sing for your supper when you sit at a tableful of people in relationships. Arm yourself with your most exciting sexcapades, dating dramas and career-driven complaints.

The antithesis of this scenario is for the single person to come with their most self-depreciating stories, which inevitably makes everyone else at the table feel satisfied (read: smug) with their choice to remain monogamous. This, however, is usually accompanied by remarks, such as, “You need to lower your expectations” “Go out more” “You need to expose yourself to more social situations” “Single women over 30 have too much baggage” and my recent personal favourite, “You should marry a friend, like us“.

When did it become ok to offer unsolicited and often unwarranted advice? Why the assumption that one class system is better than the other? Why is marriage the pinnacle of the dating world? How many happily married people do you know? How many relationships do you envy?

I love being single and my opinion shouldn’t affect the choices that anyone else has made in their life, neither should it be pitied. I’m sorry to have to say this out loud, but I am actually happy being single. Which leads to me to my next observation.

Observation Two: Is the fat lady singing already?

It has been recently brought to my attention that I may like the single life, a little too much. I am a self confessed, self professed (what you might call a…) serial dater. To me, this has been a perfectly valid choice to make, in terms of dating style. This approach is minimal commitment, maximum enjoyment and allows me to get to know different people. I was always under the impression that the men I date would appreciate such an open dating concept, as it allows them to openly date other people as well.

Apparently, it’s all fun and games till someone loses a heart.

This dating strategy has recently been classified as “selfish” and thrown me in a slight state of disarray. It’s been raising its objecting hands from all angles, which is unfortunately forcing me to review my grand plan. It seems like the universe is conspiring to get me into a committed relationship. (C-words in relationships are just so unfriendly: commitment, compromise, Caesarean…). I’m not one to ignore the universe, so I am rethinking my blueprint. Maybe it’s about time.

This is, therefore, the gray area I mentioned earlier. Within the Single class system, there are still many sub-levels of commitment, often the least being abhorred.

In this spirit, here’s Rupert Holmes’, “Him” for your listening and identifying pleasure.

Over by the window, there’s a pack of cigarettes
Not my brand, you understand, sometimes the girl forgets
She forgets to hide them, I know who left those smokes behind
She’ll say, “Oh he’s just a friend”
And I’ll say, Oh, I’m not blind to him


What’s she gonna do about him
She’s gonna have to do without him
Or do without me
No one gets to get it for free
It’s me or it’s him

Don’t know what he looks like
Don’t know who he is
Don’t know why, she thought that I would say what’s mine is his
I don’t want to own her
But I can’t let her have it both ways
Three is one to many of us
She leaves with me, or says with him

What’s she gonna do about him
She’s gonna have to do without him
Or do without me
No one gets to get it for free
It’s me or it’s him

If she wants to, she can have him
Just exactly how we once were
It’s goodbye to you and I
Back to her and I without him

What’s she gonna do about him
She’s gonna have to do without him
Or do without me
Not one gets to get it for free
Time for me to make the girl see
It’s me or it’s him
What’s she gonna do about him
She’s gonna have to do without him
Or do without me.


Note: This post was not written to create discord between the class systems. But if there’s anything that I’ve learnt in life, it’s that happy endings are a lot more fun when you’re single.


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