Ok, taking into consideration that I am on hormone pills (in a non menopausal HRT way) and fresh off PMS, I have recently found myself oddly, oddly moved by this damn movie trailer – The Time Traveler’s Wife. I do love a good Eric Bana movie (minus that Hulk monstrosity, of course) and when I say this trailer moved me, I mean it moved me to tears. In the bloody office.
Movies used to be the only medium that could make me cry (not even my sad, real life could do that) but things have changed now. I’ve become that person that cries all the time. I have weekly weep-fests at night over the state and result of my life (which isn’t that bad in the light of day but the nights are usually hardest, aren’t they?), I even coo at strangers children (well, the cute ones at least). And today, I spent my lunch hour looking at wedding venues. Wedding venues! For whose wedding?! I don’t plan on getting married or having children soon – so why in good God am I doing these things, feeling these emotions, pondering these choices?
2 possible reasons exist that can explain this bizarre scenario. One: I have closed myself off from these choices due to emotional ambivalence before and now, I’m opening up to the possibilities of not being such a hard ass. Two: The ever present, ever ticking biological clock. No matter how much to try to quell the tick-tock with logic and lots of career plans, it’s there – like the pea under the Princess’ mattress – lodged and pressing into my womb – an uncomfortable reminder of time swiftly passing me by as everyone I know gets married and has babies. Time is truly a double-edged sword.