Is it possible to have an immunity to children?
I am not the type of girl that gushes over babies or even smiles at kids on the street. If anything, I hate it when they stare at me – it makes me downright uncomfortable. I have even kicked kids at McDonald’s before. I have absolutely no patience for tantrum throwers and I don’t even mingle with the children in my family.
The only two kids I can stand to be around are my niece and Sim’s son, Oscar. Maybe it’s because I know them. Other that that – I have never gravitated towards kids and usually, if I coo at them, I’m pretending. One of my most hated things is when mothers thrust pictures of their kids at me and I panic and go catatonic without anything to say.
I’ve recently gone back on the pill to regulate hormones because I produce a little too much testosterone. I find this completely hilarious and unsurprising. We’re not talking a moustache-level kinda testosterone but maybe the nature of my personality is driven by my unfeminine hormones.
I’ve always felt I have the personality of a man – I’m commitment phobic, capable of complete emotional detachment, do not harbour fantasies of getting married, hate weddings, hate kids. Could my whole life merely be built upon hormones? And to that fact, if I change my hormone level, how would this affect my viewpoint on life? Would I then want the husband, kids and to leave my job to play house?
Are my “values” that changeable – when the whole time I have professed proudly to be of a certain personality type. I guess I’ll find out at the end of 2 months. If I start liking flowers and prams, I’m cancelling the prescription.